im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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