i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
