You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
