It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
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Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.