Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.