Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
