Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"