i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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