i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
These tits shall not be calmed
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
