mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
