u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
