guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
