I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
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Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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