I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
