Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
