I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
