The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
