Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
