I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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