Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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