I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
