Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
