if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
