Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
