The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
