While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
