So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
