She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
