we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
