He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All the doctor said was why
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
