Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
