sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
