The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Girls should come with a carfax report
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
