Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
