I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just had sex on a roof
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
