I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
