Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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