ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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