I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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