i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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