I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
