but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
