i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
