my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
