I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
