oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
