If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
