You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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