you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
