During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
