Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
