worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
