I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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