even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
