you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
How's work?
Spinning.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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