I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
