I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
porn star boner night. come get it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
