Joe is yelling at the trees again.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
