Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
