Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
