I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
