The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
