I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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