Porn is love you can see.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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