This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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