hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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