I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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