you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
