i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
